An Introvert’s Guide to Networking

Practical tips for reaching out in the academic and corporate world

“You think everyone is terrified of getting your emails but in fact, we’re all delighted to hear from you.”

This one sentence, stated with a strong Italian accent and an incredulous smile by my research advisor in undergrad, may have completely changed my attitude toward networking.

Let’s face it, the professional world revolves around connections. Dazzling CV and perfect grades aside, at the end of the day, landing an opportunity often just comes down to knowing the right person and leveraging that connection. But as a self-declared not people-person, things like cold emailing — even reaching out to a professor I already know — don’t come naturally to me. Learning how to effectively network has been a long learning process (and I am nowhere near comfortable with it) but I decided to write this article as a collection of tips and anecdotes I’ve collected over the years in case someone else finds it to be of use.

Networking can be seen as a challenge and a chore. But does it have to be?

Be forewarned, much of this article may seem blatantly obvious to the more socially skilled of us, but there were admittedly many things I needed verbalized to me before I could see them for what they were. Also a tad of background on me: I’m a second-year PhD student at Stanford AeroAstro focused on space structures. My undergrad experiences centered on research: interning at JPL in technology development, working in a lab, and so forth. As such, this advice pertains mostly to research opportunities, though I’m sure it has applications elsewhere.

A new perspective

Now back to my undergrad advisor. He is quite highly respected in the field and also very hands-on with his students. I was the only undergrad in the lab at the time and was naturally a bit intimidated by him.

Over the year I spent working with him, this particular interaction was at least my third time getting “gently” lectured on the subject of timely communication (in this case asking for help when I’m stuck). My feeble defense was “I didn’t want to be a bother; I thought I would figure it out on my own.” He scoffed at this and assured me he was more than happy to be kept in the loop. If he was indeed too busy, he just wouldn’t reply but that was okay. I could always email again, find him in his office, or talk to my grad student mentor.

The same, I’ve learned, goes for most networking interactions. Not everyone will respond, not everyone has the time to meet, and not everyone can provide assistance or an opportunity, but the act of reaching out can have so few negative repercussions and yet boundless potential for gain. People, in general, are happy to help to the extent that they can. So now whenever I go to send that email or approach that person, I hear my professor’s words in my head: “We’re all delighted to hear from you.”

With that, here are my four biggest takeaways on learning how to network:

1. Learn how to sell yourself

“Selling” yourself can mostly be summarized as writing an elevator pitch, but it’s more than that. An elevator pitch is a 30-60-second spiel you could theoretically give someone during an elevator ride. It concisely answers the fated question “Tell me about yourself”: who you are, what you do, what you bring to the table, and some sort of call to action for the other party.

You’re rarely going to recite a rehearsed pitch. What I quickly learned was important was being able to tailor it on the fly. Practice describing yourself and your work at different lengths, different levels of jargon, and to different audiences. (There’s a huge difference between “Hey, I use origami to fold spaceships” and “Hey, I work on deployable spacecraft structures.”) Describe yourself and your work in a way that leaves room for follow-up questions. Use feedback from people’s reactions to decide what works and what doesn’t. It is a continuously evolving form, but the more confident and natural it sounds, the more competent you come across.

2. It’s okay to start where you are comfortable

Networking doesn’t have to be big. The first layer of your network is your immediate peers: fellow classmates, labmates, interns, etc. Further down the road, these might very well be the people at the company you’re interested in who can give you referrals, or give you insight on the work culture. In academia, they might be future collaborators or recommenders. Keep some awareness of what projects people around you are working on and if they may interest you. Keep tabs on where people end up after undergrad or their graduate program.

It’s okay to build the connections that feel easier first. If you don’t quite feel ready to reach out to a professor, reach out to one of their grad students. Ask about ongoing projects in the lab, lab culture, advising style, etc. Then reach out to the professor and mention having spoken to their students. Read a paper of theirs and ask a conversation-opening question about it. This further shows them you’re serious about your interest. As an intern, talk to people in your immediate circles first. Ask them for recommendations on who to talk to and work your way up.

If in-person is possible, in-person is best. All research opportunities I’ve gotten so far happened because I approached someone in person. I talked to my current PhD advisor after a presentation he gave my freshman year of undergrad. I hunted down my undergrad advisor in his office after he didn’t respond to my initial email and two follow-ups. I admit I was terrified on both occasions, but going in with a very specific goal (i.e. asking for a research position) helped. Speaking in person expresses interest and commitment way more than a cold email can.

3. Ask questions and ask for advice

During my time at JPL, I kept a pretty low profile. This was during the time of COVID when watercooler talk was nonexistent. The only way to learn about people was to reach out and set up a meeting. I was shy about it at first, but almost everyone I asked agreed to my request. I was deciding whether or not to pursue a graduate degree at the time, so my main objective was getting advice. And I got a lot of very good advice.

As someone who struggles to come up with good questions, I paid attention to what kinds of questions other interns asked in group meet-and-greets and then used them myself. Coming prepared with a list of questions was key to getting the most out of these meetings. I asked JPLers how they ended up at their current position, and if they had a graduate degree. I asked what their day-to-day work looked like and what they liked/disliked about the work environment. And I asked them who else I should talk to. I got all sorts of responses ranging from worrying less about picking the “right path” to the difficulties of going back to school after working in industry. Heck, someone even told me I should definitely get a PhD to work in aerospace because I’m a woman and it increases my credibility.

This variety of advice is exactly why the more people you talk to, the better. You then get to puzzle together what works for you. Learn from other people’s stories and use it to inform your own. And follow up! Thanking people for their time and asking follow-up questions is a great way to keep the conversation going.

4. Get straight to the point

It’s easy to get so caught up in pleasantries that your actual request gets lost in the fluff. Busy people skim emails. If what you want isn’t clear in the first two sentences (i.e. I am applying for a PhD at your university, do you have openings in your lab), it’s not getting processed. Once you’ve hooked them in, then you can expand on who you are and your prior experiences.

Avoid phrases like “I know you’re busy but…” or “Sorry to bother you but…” These only diminish the apparent importance of your email.

In conclusion

These are just a few skills I’ve picked up that make people seem less scary. At the end of the day, networking is a muscle; the more you use it, the easier and more natural it becomes.

I’m also not afraid to ask friends for help. There are only a few serious emails I send that aren’t proofread by a second set of eyes. If I want to talk to someone but am hesitant, I’ll tell a friend, which helps hold me accountable. It's a great form of feedback, and I return the favor whenever possible.

Some key takeaways:

• Be comfortable talking in depth about yourself and your goals/interests.

• Do your research before reaching out and come prepared with questions.

• You don’t necessarily need to cast a wide net. Sometimes small, concentrated efforts are enough and feel much more manageable.

• Everyone’s gone through this at some point, and people are happy to pay it forward. Assume people are inclined to help.

Nowadays, I occasionally get to be on the other side of the wall, getting emails from eager undergrads interested in my research or working with my advisor. I can confirm, I am indeed delighted to hear from them. Remember, every connection starts with a single step—be bold, reach out, and trust that people are more delighted to hear from you than you think!

— Alexandra